We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Is it because I queefed?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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