Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
zippers are such a cool invention
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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