is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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