Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
