Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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