He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
