question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
