Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
