i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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