He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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