Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
