Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
