i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
