is your mom at the bar?
Your dad touched me again.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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