he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
