brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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