it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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