1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize