so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
