i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
