im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
