You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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