This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
