I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
