woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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