Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
