that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
