im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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