Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
