I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
