Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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