Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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