So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
