I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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