"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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