i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
