i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
