He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
