Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
