Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
