Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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