She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
