What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
