I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
