So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
We need to get me chipped asap
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
