I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
