I haven't been this sober since birth.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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