Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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