I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
