Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You smell like stripper and shame
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My bed smells like the plague
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
