he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
