After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Randomize
