I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
