boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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