Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
