i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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