found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
