You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
