my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
