@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
