M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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