yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
