my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my phone needs a breathalizer
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize