I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
