I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
