i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
