Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
