so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
