bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
