i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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