He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
please don't ironically join a cult
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