ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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