Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
