dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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