so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
