Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I had to cum in my sink.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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