dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize