I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
