I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
