there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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