I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just puked most of my soul out..
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
