I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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