We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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