I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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