my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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