On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
