what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
