Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
